British women

Now, I don't claim to know much about them. They seem interesting - much like women everywhere - and I do find many of them quite attractive (think Kate Winslet.) But I do hear - how shall I put it - how difficult they are. I would imagine a British woman knows quite well how to pitch a fit and make it sound absolutely brilliant. What brought me to this topic? Mil Millington, of course. He's the man behind the phenomenally brilliant Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About. He is British and his girlfriend of many many years (they have children together as well) happens to be German. But he has this to say about British women:

English women, then. If you plot all English women as a line graph, you get a high, thin plateau on which they are electrically wonderful; on both sides of this narrow table there's a sheer plunge down to bottomless awfulness. Off in one direction, a vast, cackling pit of Bacardi Breezers and protectively Band-Aided Achilles tendons. Off in the other, well… Christ. As an illustration, allow me to proffer a tale that someone told me the other day.

A fellow was having sex with an English woman. As he's English himself, he'd probably not have made the distinction - if I'd asked at the time, I'm sure he would have said that he was simply having sex with 'a woman' (and also, 'What the hell are you doing here asking me questions? I thought we'd talked about this.'). That she was, definitively, an English woman, however, was soon made apparent. Because, at the key moment in the proceedings, she shouts this:
"I'm coming, actually!"

Arrrrrrrrgh.

I'm coming, actually. You'd climb off, there and then, and go and re-whiten the grouting in the bathroom instead or something, wouldn't you?

Nice. He remarks that he's had his go with English women and will stick with his German lovemate. Now I happen to have a German mother so I can't quite see eye to eye with him about that. But maybe it's different for them. And she's not his mom. That's gotta make a difference.

His bit about English women reminds me of something from Family Guy:

English man: Almost. Almost. Almost. There we are.
English woman: Well done.

Heh. For those of you keeping track, that's from the first episode this year - indeed, after having been cancelled for 2 years. It's called North By North Quahog and is preceded by Peter telling Lois he's watching some "high class British porn." I lurve that show.

I'm a film guy

As anyone who knows me - really knows me - will tell you. Some people think they know me but they usually have misconceptions as to what I'm all about. And besides being IT-focused (read Mac), sporting a ferocious work persona, and possessing a truly slapstick and goofy sense of humor, I'm all about film. I. Just. Love. Them.

So, I have a website to share with you. It lists the 50 greatest independent films. Interestingly (to Natalie anyway) her favorite is #2 and I like it an awful lot as well.

You may not agree and that's okay. I happen to think they're spot-on. I'm sure I'll come up with several notable absences, but for now I'm happy.

An Open Letter...

I love this site. It's got some of the best satirical writing around. In particular, I urge all to view the open letters section. Here's a particular favorite, entitled An Open Letter to Officials of the United States Government Regarding What's New in My Reproductive Area:

It's summer, so I'm getting my bikini line waxed more frequently. (Ouch!) I had a little urinary-tract infection a while ago, but that seems to have cleared up. Cranberry juice is really something, especially when you're uninsured and can't see the doctor to check out every little searing, stabbing pain. And did you know that yogurt cures yeast infections? If only it cured AIDS, we could patent it and then withhold it from Third World nations.

Mmmmm....trenchant wit! Yummy.

FAUX NEWS

Fair and balanced my ass. The Fox News Channel, and Bill O'Reilly in particular, really really REALLY piss me off. Say what you want about liberal bias in the media but at least the other network news divisions WILL go after a Democrat - see what they did to Clinton. But Fox will not EVER criticize or even look critically at the Republican admnistration or the Republican Congress. Change is gonna come and when it does, the backlash is going to stun and terrorize the Republican lapdogs in the media that is Fox News. Hopefully I'll get to personally kick O'Reilly's ass. He doesn't seem tough at all; he's the man now, dog, when he's the scorekeeper AND the referee in his little fiefdom that is Fox News. What he is, in truth, is a fucking bully. And bullies always crumble in a fair fight.





So, go immediately to Outfoxed. It's a fantastic documentary about how Fox News is effectively the media arm of right wing conservatives. Look at the trailer and clips. And tell everyone you know about it. Shout it from the rooftops.

Never let them alter your image

Wow, two posts in one day! Better pace myself.

So I get this link from a list-serve I subscribe to to which I subscribe. And it has a Flash-based interactive drawing screen. So naturally I must subvert the system:





You'll have to forgive my scrawl. I did it with my right mousing hand and I'm a lefty, a term from which - after reading my blog entries - one can suss nuanced meanings.

Feel free to go there and write your own message. Email the screen capture to me - jonez "at" macdotcom. I'll post the good ones.

Like Shiva looks at a sea slug

Mark Morford and Bill O'Reilly, it can be said, are two extremes of the same continuum. Except the MM uses humor and doesn't scare the hell out of me or make me shake my head - EVER - with his particular style of bombast.

Here's the takeaway, the only thing you need to know: Bill O'Reilly is a walking, snorting cautionary tale. For those of us who occasionally tread similar terrain of barbed political commentary (tempered, I hope, with satire and hope and sex and humor and fire hoses of divine juice), he is the Grand Pariah, the threshold, the Place You Do Not Want To Go as an intellectually curious human soul. He is the guy you can always look to, no matter how bad it gets, and say, Wow, at least I'm not him.

I take it back: they're entirely on different planes of existence:

And any American that undermines that war, with our soldiers in the field, or undermines the war on terror, with 3,000 dead on 9-11, is a traitor. Everybody got it? Dissent, fine; undermining, you're a traitor. Got it? So, all those clowns over at the liberal radio network, we could incarcerate them immediately. Will you have that done, please? Send over the FBI and just put them in chains...

HOLY CRAP!

Hear that whistling sound? That's the future of our children getting sucked away.

According to the Treasury Department, from 1776-2000, the first 224 years of U.S. history, 42 U.S. presidents borrowed a combined $1.01 trillion from foreign governments and financial institutions, but in the past four years alone, the Bush administration borrowed $1.05 trillion.


And yet he gives tax cuts to the wealthy. Good thing he's a fiscal conservative. Dumbass.

My baby's blue

Hard hard times, lots of confusion. And so far away, no help at all. Why am I so happy? Cause my baby loves me.

Damn! We look good together too.


Well, she makes me look good.

It'll be all right, BG.

Wish more people were like her

But especially the snotty, self-absorbed, superficial people who shop at the Whole Foods on Wilshire. Not that I'm perfect. But I'm friendly. Unless I hate you.

Rosa, I love. She was good to have around.

Off to L.A.

Back on Tuesday, red-eyed, wrung-out, and very very happy.

I'm such a fanboy

So I saw this webcomic that mentioned Neil Gaiman, who happens to be one of my favorite writers. I posted a note to him on his website. And damned if he didn't post it with a response:

(Click image to enlarge)


That made my day. Which is a bit sad, really. Looking forward to reading his latest.

Say goodbye to Elmo

A House panel has voted to eliminate all public funding for NPR and PBS, starting with "Sesame Street."

Credit to Tom Winkler

Maybe it's just me...

but doesn't it seem wrong to charge for it?


"Hi. My product makes your computer act like a drunken slut; it'll open up for anyone with a smooth line of code. I'll protect it but I get to bone you first."

Lick my shiny metal ass

I love it when I can mix politics and tech.





More rejected iPod engravings here.

The Whore Cat

So Natalie is a little upset with her cat, Lily, because the wee feline has taken a liking to her new roommate. Such as when Lily sleeps in a strange bed.



She calls her the whore cat.

Of course she's our best cat friend when she's traveling with us. Like when she needs to sleep against my thigh as I'm driving.



And she cries at the UHaul window at every stop.



She doesn't realize she can be replaced.

I lurve this woman

Ain't that the truth?

So here's my inaugural posting. I'll publish more as the impulse hits me. For now, sit back and contemplate this sublime moment of media serendipity.

Cheers.